Marriages and unhappiness!

 There is a famous proverb in the land of my birth: Shadi ek Esa laddu hai: jo khaye woh pachtaye aur jo na khaye woh bhi pachtaye' (Marriage is a sweet that married people regret eating and unmarried also regret not eating). But this is an old adage. Things have changed a lot in this world since its origin. In the current Era, it should be:

'Shadi ek Esa laddu hai: jo khaye woh pachtaye aur jo na khaye woh bilkul nahi pachtaye' (Marriage is a sweet that married people regret eating but unmarried people never regret not eating).' 

Yes,  this holds valid in today's world. Read on to know more.... 

Marriage and unhappiness 

Marriage is an institution of society that has been over-glorified and over-valued. The society has painted a rosy picture of it so that all people go in for it. The films and stage plays and their romantic tales complete this rosy painting. Parents force it on their kids. And peer pressure and society adds on to this persuasion. 

But how many people are happy with marriage? A secret poll of adult men and women done by me revealed that 99% of the married people surveyed were unhappy in marriage. I am certain that the 1% who said that they were happy in marriage were actually lying!!! 

Happily single (Source: Pinterest) 

Read her for knowing benefits and advantages of singlehood! 

Marriages and reasons for it

People enter into relationships and marriages thinking that what has happened to others will not befall on them. But invariably they too enter the same fate that the married people around them are already having. When asked the reason for getting married, more than a 75% say that it is because society and parents told them and they thought it was a universal thing. Around 60% claim that they married for companionship. 10% said that they were forced into it. 12% said that they never thought on this subject and just did what others told them to do. 5% accepted that they did it for sexual gratification. And yes, most also replied that they wed to procreate and have a child!!! 

Society holds marriage as a holy institution but it is sad to learn that majority of the people are unhappy in it. It is the root cause of widespread unhappiness but people are afraid to accept it. People try to find their own ways of happiness outside marriages by having their own social circles outside it. Some go in for spirituality and some for picnics alone in order to have some lone time. Many also look for places and friends where they can express their regrets and sadness about married life. I have had people as elderly as 80 years old come and tell me that they regret having got married. They had never thought and imagined of life without marriage but they do realize now that singlehood is happy. They miss their singlehood days terribly. 

Single man (Source: Pinterest) 

Singlehood and felt jealousy from others

Yes, there is another aspect of these unhappy married people. Most of them are jealous of people who are happily single and also want them to become unhappy by doing marriage. I have some funny anecdotes related to it. Some traditional people are overtly jealous especially in conservative societies and are even rude in talking with single people. They start their 'saintly' rant about marriages and its goodness. And their talks would be miles away from the truths of their own lives. Once I was talking with my travel agent and told him how I had met my dad after his death in another person. He replied that it is so because I am single. I asked him whether he knows anyone who is happy in marriage. And his reply was:

"Yes. That's true. I too am in the midst of a divorce with my ex-wife." 

It is ridiculous that a person on the verge of divorce still talking to others about marriage! Ironical and hypocritical indeed! 

I have met another person who was into spirituality and Vipassana. It is obvious that people go for it not for fun but to try to cope up with the stresses and demands of life. It is clear that the person is unhappy at the personal level. And this same person said once:

"I am in a happy space with my wife. I think all human beings should go in for such a relationship. "

It was obvious that the subtle indication of 'human beings'  was towards me. But I could only laugh and smile at such 'ill-advice'  of the person for others! I believe this person wants all to go for such a relationship and then go for Vipassana.... to overcome the problems for it!!! 

I have met another person whose married son had recently moved out of the house. And she was repenting the fact that she married and gave birth to children only to realize that one day they all will go away and she will be in 'empty nest stage'  of her life. 

I have not yet met any person who 'truthfully'  says that he or she is happy in marriage on this land. They either accept their unhappiness or just put on a bold fake face of happiness that does not exist in their life or just bow down their head in silence. You know for sure what all these replies actually mean!!! Humans will have to look out for  other ways of reproduction and companionship besides the institution of marriage! Acceptance of facts is better than repentance!