This is a real life story of an affluent Hindu family from Dehradun, Uttarakhand. You will see how patriarchy irreparably destroys lives of children in regressive cultures.
Uttarakhand is a state in Northern India. It was part of Uttar Pradesh before but got its statehood in November 2000. It has Hindu religious places and pilgrims flock it during seasons and also otherwise. Dehradun is its capital. It is a small town and not a metro city. There is a direct positive relationship between religiousness of a region and its gender inequality index. Hence, as expected, Uttarakhand also has high gender inequality, though locals would deny it for obvious reasons. The problem is no surveys are conducted to reveal how girls and women feel about patriarchy. You will then realize the true picture and knowledge the true answer.
Anyway, coming back to this family who resided on outskirts of Dehradun near the domestic airport of Jolly Grant, it comprised of two elderly brothers, A and B and their families. The brothers had inherited huge amounts in agricultural land from their forefathers. Through the elder brother, A's contacts, he also entered politics at the local level. The elder brother married a woman with rural upbringing and they had three sons, C, D, and E. The younger brother, B was also working in some local bank and retired from there. On duty, he met a Nepali lady and married her. So it was a love cum arranged marriage. He and his wife had an elder son, F and a younger daughter, G.
As is common in India, all sons were pampered. The three sons of elder brother, A never really studied well. The environment was non-conducive for it, despite all the money and availability of fairly good and government schools in the locality. None of them really did a proper job on their own. The elder son, C started a flour mill for sometime before going in for owning a hotel in a nearby tourist area. Of course, the money for opening the hotel was from his father and father-in-law. It was supposedly doing only fair business. The middle son, D contested local elections and was in the local municipal corporation. When the seat went in for a female candidate, they made the younger brother, B's Nepali wife stand for it. After winning, she passed on the reins to this middle son, D of elder brother, A. But as of now, he lost the election and is just working as a political party worker. The youngest son, E of elder brother, A is into some car buy and sale business which is not doing well. But all of these three are married with children. The father, A built independent houses for each of his sons and their families. Without earning really enough, they are all living a luxurious life with modern cars, thanks to the ancestral wealth they possess. The family is also into construction line. They built houses and rent them. But none of the three sons wanted to enter this line. They also do not want to do agriculture.
The younger brother, B's son, say F wanted to be a cricketer. But his paternal uncle, A told him not to do so and asked him to join the construction line. They did not want their male children to be away from them. They wanted them to take care of them always and especially in old age. Unwillingly the son F did join the construction business. He also dropped out of college. But soon he realized why his three cousins, C, D and E had refused to go into the line. Because F was treated like a servant and was on a meagre salary for his work. He was more like a driver or rent collector for the family. In between, came a marriage proposal for him. The girl was wooed by saying that half of the rental properties are that of this son, F of younger brother, B, and rest belonged to three sons of elder brother A. There was no mention made of property share of the daughter, G of younger brother, B (we will come to her shortly). It was assumed that she will have no share in the property: only some dowry would be given. And according to law, dowry is illegal!!! But traditionally, this give of wealth to daughters's in-laws is going on in full swing under the very nose of police and law. This newly wed bride was a paramedic. The couple had a son within a year and half of marriage. Wife took up a job in nearby private hospital. By the time, the father F (son of younger brother, B) thought it was enough of working on the construction site. He wanted to start a restaurant. Not getting approval from his father or uncle, one day, he took all the rent money he collected and ran away to Chandigarh. A police complaint was filed. Later, he was brought back to Dehradun, police case withdrawn and he started to live with his parents. How the wife coped up with this cheating of her husband no one was bothered to know. The son then decided to go into real estate business. But the income from there is negligible. Now, the wife is working, doing home cooking and caring for her child, while her husband is sitting at home idle.
Now coming to the younger daughter, G of the youngest brother, B. She trained to be a nurse and started working at the local hospital along with her sister-in-law albeit in different departments (wife of brother F). G was financially stable, honest and loyal to her family, and would also help her family in household activities and chores. Soon, there came something that would slide her life down and upset it totally and irreparably.
The parents and her paternal uncle were on the search of a marriage partner for her. In India, till date, most marriage alliances are arranged through adults. Though cities have shown slight change, it is almost universal in rural areas and small towns.
They got a marriage alliance for her. But the boy's side said that they want an educated daughter-in-law but not a working one. Of course, the poor daughter did not want to leave her job. But without asking her, the girl's side said yes for this marriage. When the daughter voiced her displeasure, the father stopped talking to her and refused any help from her. Her mother and other relatives did nothing to support and help her. She was all alone in this predicament. She was not brought up to be strong minded. The reason was that Indian parents want their daughter to remain bowing and obedient type for their own sake. Hence, she gave in and said yes to the relation. When some good Samaritan told the father that he did wrong, the father reported:
"Daughters are alien. Now it is her life."
When told that jobs are hard to get, his unthought-of answer was:
"If not 20k INR, she will get 10k INR, so what"
His selfishness and shamelessness was obvious.
Now, the daughter has been given away in marriage and they are left with four sons who are not working, have families, are relying on ancestral wealth for money and are just loitering around the place. The daughter-in-law is working and her husband, F is unemployed. But none of these sons are helping at home in cooking and children care. Neither are they helping in construction line of their father or paternal uncle. When the elder brother A tells them to visit the construction site they say they went but have actually not gone there. In short, they lie to their father. The wives of A and B continue to remain voiceless and so do all the daughters-in-law they brought home from someone else's house, after ruining those homes for their selfish lineage.
Discussion on this case is her in Part 2
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