The inflated male ego: Why and how to handle it?

 We often meet people who ooze overconfidence about their capabilities and importance. This is commoner in men compared to women. And though people blame it on testosterone, a major part of it is due to society and upbringing. Hence, we see men at home, work, and society who have an inflated ego that irritates those around. 

Male ego and Asian culture 

Male ego exists in all cultures but is seen in greater number in Asian cultures. It comes from the undue overattention given to boys and men in the patriarchal society of this land. Vijay Nagaswami, author, psychiatrist and relationship consultant shares:

“The male ego has probably been over-hyped just a bit. In our patriarchal society, unwarranted attention given to the male child has made it an issue in relationships even in the 21st Century.”

Making of a male ego starts from childhood (Source: Pinterest) 

Women have progressed in their thinking. But men continue to remain regressive in many aspects in these cultures. Shekar Seshadri, professor, Unit of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, NIMHANS, Bangalore emphasizes: 

“Boys are conditioned to believe that power resides in them. Also, they are expected to protect family honour and control girls and women. Which is what gives them an ego boost.”

Read here : Chivalry and the women of today 

Sometimes, the ego is displayed in an effort to impress others when actually the man is suffering from an inferiority complex. 

Good vs bad ego

Egos are important for self-respect but upto a certain limit. Once the limit is crossed, it becomes an inflated ego. And this can negatively impact relationship and also lead to workplace issues. Counselling psychologist, Shantha Manikantan adds:

“What matters is how one manages the ego. Over manifestation suggests that you consider yourself a cut above the rest. This becomes a tool to belittle others, and the outcome is not always pleasant.”

Male ego helps no one (Source: Daily Mail UK) 

The ego is sometimes present but not manifested overtly in words. But the actions of men prove that it is a bloated one. This is more bad since people around may not be aware or prepared for such behavior and would feel hurt by the actions. But all this superior feels are supposed and do not exist in real. Because men and women have their own strengths and weaknesses and they need one another. They can complement each other and moving forward in life would be better and smooth if both are treated equally mutually and by society. 

Fragileness of male egos

Though inflated, the male ego is also fragile. This is because it is wrongly created by society. It is not a true superiority and hence can get crashed easily. Vijay says:

“Any ego that derives itself from the perceived superiority of one gender over the other is bound to be incomplete and fragile. The mere fact of being born a male cannot be the primary parameter to derive one’s sense of self worth. Also, the object of the male ego is to establish dominance over the female ego. When masculinity alone is used to establish dominance and control, it’s bound to be fragile, since it’s incomplete."

Male ego is detrimental in a relationship (Source: Pinterest) 

Meena Jain, psychologist and psychotherapist feels:

“Men are, by nature, emotionally dependent, look forward to boosting their self-esteem, and have limited coping skills. We must remember that a man’s sense of self is defined by his abilities and accomplishments. He is more interested in things than emotions or people. Men break very quickly when they fail — the feel-good factor of achievement is very important to them.”

Psychologists also note that the new-age men are increasingly more sensitive and have lesser of these male egos. 

How to deal with male egos? 

How should handle a person who has an inflated ego? Should one just ignore and continue with things as if everything is normal or should one acknowledge and accept the male egos? The answer is that neither of these ways is correct. If you ignore, the root cause of the issue (the wrong bloated male ego in the person) continues to remain and may harm other people around if not you. If you acknowledge it, it implies you are bowing down to wrong and allowing it to flourish. So then what is the way out? 

Dr. Vijay feels that one must confront and face it directly. He says:

"The best way to deal with a bloated ego is to prick it, and get the individual to value himself based on substantial parameters.”

Shantha agrees: 

"While massaging an ego can drain you emotionally, not acknowledging it can be detrimental in the long run. The best approach will be a middle path, addressing issues head-on.”

If required, counselors can be consulted to tackle male egos. They would help convert it into a healthy ego along with better communication skills. This can make their life better and happier.