Lighting the parents' pyre-a duty or a right? Increasingly daughters are doing it for a healthy society!

 

I, the only daughter of my parents, had lit the pyre of both my parents after they died. While the religious fanatics might fret and fume over it, the progressive few have been supportive. It was after all the last wish of my parents that I should do this last work for them having taken good care of them throughout their lives. It was a clause mentioned also in their respective Wills lest I face some trouble over it. I usually do not mention it to anyone since I think that it was my duty towards them; an expression of my love and respect for them. There are some who say that I am very 'strong' and 'courageous' to have done so and I wonder what they mean by it when they say so!!! It is a well-known fact that women are stronger than men any day. And doing these last rites for my parents was my obligation to them and society. Then where does the question of 'strength' come in this? It is not such an arduous task as the society makes it look!!!

The purpose of cremation or burial of a dead body

If we go to the basics of cremation or burial, without bringing 'religion' into it, we would understand that any of these modes are methods to dispose off a dead body. The aim is that a body should go in a respectful way and with dignity. It cannot be left to be at any place because it will undergo decomposition. And this putrefaction might lead to emitting of gases, foul unbearable stink, and growth of harmful micro-organisms. These could cause environmental harm and risk to society. In order to avoid this, a corpse needs to be disposed off in a scientific way. This could be burial, burning, or submersion in water.

Women participate actively in the last rites of their family member [Source: iDiva]

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If we remember these basics and stop adding the religious and unscientific elements to it, things would be simpler and healthier for an individual, families, and society. But religious bodies have given an unnecessary twist to this simple thing and complicated it.

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The religious twists and unwanted chain of problems

The religious fanatics have given the whole process of body disposal a religious twist for reasons best known to them. This has only complicated matters. Hindus insist that it is the son who will light the pyre of their parents. If a couple has no son, then any other son of the family should do this. Daughters were not allowed to do this important task for their parents!!! They might give a hundred excuses for this, but none of them stands to reason!!! There have been offences also committed in the name of egos and honors [https://www.huffingtonpost.in/2016/04/07/chhattisgarh-woman-sarpan_n_9631884.html]

But I believe that it is the duty of a child, whether a daughter or a son to light the pyre of his or her parent. It is a matter of duty and not an issue of right or ego at all!!! 

A woman lights the pyre [Source: Woman Planet]

To make it an act of ego is foolishness and needs to be avoided. If a couple has only a daughter, she can do it. If a couple has both, either can do it or both can do it. I would like to even suggest here that if the elder child is a daughter and the son is younger, still, the elder daughter should do it or all the children can do it. And if a couple is childless, any family member including the wife can do it. After all, it was the wife who took care of the husband when alive. Then why cannot she take care of the dead body's proper disposal? The body's proper disposal is the responsibility of the relatives irrespective of the kind of relation. When my dad expired, I even stretched out my hand to my mother to join me in lighting my dad’s pyre. But she refused it. Probably, she was worried about society more and in all that, she forgot that she too is part of seeing to it that the body goes with dignity and love!!!

Problems of making an ego of who should light the pyre

There are many female celebrities and even ordinary women who have taken the responsibility in their hands and lighted the pyre of their parents/caregivers. Namita Kaul, the foster daughter of Atal Bihari Vajpayee had done it. Many female politicians had done it and there are innumerable examples where one sees that a daughter has stepped in and fulfilled her duties aptly.

Namita Kaul lights the pyre of Atal Bihari Vajpayee [Source: Twitter]

The risks and long-term ill-consequences of making it mandatory that a son should light the pyre are ample. It forces people to prefer sons over daughters. Parents start an endless chain of reproduction in the quest to have a son. A son for what? To light the pyre!!! That’s all. Ridiculous! Time has also shown the world and society that many sons of modern days do not look after their families. I can quote innumerable examples where daughters have come forward and taken care of their parents when sons and daughters-in-law have failed miserably in it. This needless trend that only sons can light the pyre started by 'someone' devalues daughters when in fact they are 'more precious' than sons these days!!! So value your daughters and do not seek sons just for one little job at the end of your life, namely to light the pyre!!! Happiness during life matters more than the 'so-called' happiness after death –the latter no one knows or no one has seen!