It astonishes me how girls and women in India are fooled into a state of pseudo-happiness. Therefore, these naïve women forego their freedom and do sacrifice under the pretext of a family, but ultimately do not get the happiness they deserve. They are told to find happiness in the happiness of their husbands, children especially sons, and in-laws. In all this, they sacrifice their own will, freedom, autonomy, and independence and at the end, are unable to get happiness for self. They are trained to not utter anything about their own wishes to anyone. These things are hard-wired into them. Hence, they are silent on it lifelong. But their tears and facial expressions and body language do say a lot.
As an example, I would like to narrate this story.
I was traveling in a bus in Uttarakhand, North India from Banbasa to Dehradun. Udham Singh Nagar is a region of Uttarakhand that comes in between. This is the part where many sikh people settled after the partition of India. If history is to be believed, this region was wildland and people who came here toiled hard to convert it into a fertile agricultural area. This also became their main source of living.
Two elderly ladies got in here from Gadarpur. They were traveling to Bazpur. One was more aged. Seeing her aadhar card, I came to know that she was born in 1948 and hence was 78 years of age. Seeing my mother in her, I started chatting with her. She told me that the other woman was her daughter-in-law.
 |
| Sad crying aged Indian woman |
In order to better understand the lives that they live, I started posing some simple questions to the aged lady. She answered it very softly and without hesitation. She said that they were traveling to attend the prayer meeting for a male relative who died recently after some illness.
I asked her when she got married. She said that she was married to her cousin when she was 7 years of age. She said that it was customary to exchange daughters between two brothers’ family at that time. I asked her whether that practice exists even today. She said no. She revealed that she was unschooled and uneducated.
On asking her whether they have any relatives now in Punjab. She said yes. She said that her parents and her side relatives were residing in Haryana. She was so innocent that she did not know that Punjab and Haryana were two different states. I did not want to tell her anything further on that topic.
On asking whether she visits Haryana and how often? She said she does but frequency of visit varies; sometimes it is yearly, sometimes once in 2 or 3 years.
I asked her whether she had visited Dehradun and how many times? She said that she had been there only once in her lifetime!
My questions over, I looked out of the window and started thinking about this woman’s life. I was lost in thoughts. And after some time, when I looked back at her, I saw that her eyes were tear-filled. I asked her why she is crying? Was it thinking about the man who died recently and to whose prayer meeting she was attending? I asked her. She was silent and tears kept pouring down her eyes. She just uttered:
"I have three sons."
I asked her what about daughters. She said she has two daughters.
By the time, her stop came and she and her daughter-in-law got down.
As they left, I tried to understand the reason of her crying.
1. Was it for the man who died? This was less likely because if so, she would have started crying earlier when I asked her about where she was going.
2. Emotional lability of old age. Could be but that too has a cause to trigger it.
3. Could it be because of her early marriage and loss of childhood? Could be.
4. Could it be because of old memories of married life that were disturbing? Could be.
5. Could it be because of the present unhappy situation that she was in? Could be.
6. Was it due to the realisation that she had no autonomy in her life? The fact that the tears came after I asked her about trips to Dehradun points this to be the most likely cause.
7. After I asked her the reason, she only quipped that she had three sons. If she had three sons and was happy, she would not have cried. The fact was that despite having three sons, the tears revealed that she was not happy.
The problem is that society has hammered into her since childhood that having sons was the greatest thing of life. But her tears were telling a totally different story. Loss of her autonomy and its realisation had forced those tears out. The presence of three sons could not bring her happiness. Her statement that she had children was an attempt to assert that she was happy. But her tears told the truth of her unhappiness.
All her life, she had lived to satisfy her husband sexually, bear children for HIS family and lineage, care for them, do make up and hide her own sadness etc. Pitiable. But at end of life, they realize the futileness of their life. My mom's 80-year old friend with two sons settled overseas told me once:
"Had I known before what marriage was for a woman, I would not have married."
Society has put wrong ideas into minds of girls and women. They do this from an early age. Because they want submissive women who will question nothing and continue to sacrifice for men and their families for sex, reproduction, and unpaid house chores. Women continue to do it despite not wanting to. Ultimately it is the men who benefit in this. Women only suffer silently. Their voices are suppressed and deliberately not heard and ignored.
All this is due patriarchy and gender inequality. This would continue until these two are abolished. Men and society will not do it. Women have to unite and do it. Wake up, be woke and take things in your hands. Regain the happiness you deserve. Happiness lies within you and not in the outside world. Parents of daughters should make strong daughters and help them in getting this true happiness.
Comments
Post a Comment